Advice - A simple concept? Or a mind-boggling complex?

So, I was at the library the other day and I was reading about ‘Stress Management’ and ‘Digital Literacy’, and felt such a strong urge to teach, give advice, and share my ideas. I then realised it's interesting yet depressing that no one ever asks me for advice, and this has a few possibilities.

• I’m not approachable enough, or people/juniors view me as unsound
• I don’t have sufficient life experience, or don’t share it so people/juniors don’t know that I possess a certain stated life experience
• People just don’t understand the value of mentorship and in asking people/seniors for advice.

And it’s sad, because there are generally only 3 pedagogies for learning: reflection (personal), imitation (advice/observation), and experience (the hard way).

Then, I wonder: Do I lose out? Nope. Should I really be concerned? Nope. Am I concerned? Yes. So... why am I concerned? What a pickle. A mental brain tumor. A conundrum.

Being the curious writer I am, I decided to research online and - of course - write about it!

But first, before we proceed into any form of technicalities, how about we watch two teaser videos for a little comparison?
1) 427 Year Old Style Spring Mouse Trap In Action: 4 Mice in 1 Night
2) JaggerPro Hog Trapping Strategy: 40/40

Interesting, aren't they? Doesn't it surprise you how the mice may get blindly enter a new trap - even if it's next to an obviously dead mouse - and get killed? How then, are the hogs able to avoid the traps that were previously laid out? Is it the intelligence of the animals?

I doubt the intelligence of the species had much to play, but I do propose and support that the answer that the cries by the hogs - as compared to the silence of the already-dead mice - had a significant role in helping the others avoid the trap. Now, let's go on to the articles.

https://hbr.org/ideacast/2016/06/asking-for-advice-makes-people-think-youre-smarter.html

https://hbr.org/2015/01/the-art-of-giving-and-receiving-advice

The articles were good reads. The first one was in a conversational style, and talks about the psychology behind asking and giving advice. It also talks about using a question mark '?':period '.' ratio to determine your level of skill as a conversationalist, as it is speculated that good 'chatters' ask a whole bunch of questions. This is because more questions asked = more information obtained, and this form of self-disclosure by the person being asked leads to greater likability of the asker. It also leads to greater understanding of the person being asked. 

'They're asking for my advice because they think I'm smart and that I know the answer, and I think they're smart because I'm actually going to tell them things that will be useful and help them do the task better''

So… is it because they aren’t smart, or because they don’t think I’m smart? This does validate my first and third guesses, but validation isn't what I'm really looking for.

Anyways, the first article concludes with a business tip, like any business review, and says something along the lines of preparing a repertoire of simple, short questions and answers preemptively (with an emphasis on brevity), so that you can tackle any query more easily and directly in meetings.

The second article was more practical in nature and talks about the nature, categories, and best practices of advice. 

This was really enlightening, even the ‘click-ons’ were a good read. That being said, Harvard Business Reviews is really a great website for its magazine archives.

Once again, the second article stresses that you don't have to be anyone special to give advice. You don't need to be an Oscar winner, a Nobel Prize nominee, a professor in a field, or a rocket scientist with cupboards of trophies and accolades. But you should have relevant experience.

Common Pitfalls
Limiting your advisers
The author writes about how John F. Kennedy failed to consult his Secretary of Labor when conducting the Bay of Pigs invasion, when the Secretary of Labour had a background in guerrilla warfare. Clearly we shouldn't limit who we ask our advice from.

Ego-induced blind spots
The article mentioned that the worse culprits of abandoning advice are those in positions of authority or power, who make decisions more likely based on their own vested interests.

Overstepping boundaries

'Another way advisers overstep is to chime in when they’re not qualified to do so. It can give them an ego boost in the short run—but at a significant cost. People who liberally offer baseless advice quickly lose credibility and influence in their organizations. Even a single instance of bad advice normally leads to a rapid decline in an adviser’s standing.'

Misdiagnosis

'First, they may define the problem prematurely because they think they see similarities with challenges they’ve faced. (Often those analogies don’t hold up when the full scope of the problem is revealed.) Second, they sometimes forget that seekers are self-interested parties who may—deliberately or not—present partial or biased accounts. '

Just because the advice seeker's situation may hold similarities to the situation you were previously in does not mean that you can casually dish out advice without examining the novel background of the advice seeker. Advice givers also tend to avoid asking basic, simple questions that may appear 'trivial' as it may jeopardise their image of expertise, but these key queries may be essential depending on the case at hand. You must cater your advice to the advice seeker, taking note of their perspective/perception, actions and consequences, emotions, etc.

Overwhelming the seeker

'Advisers may provide vague recommendations that can easily be misconstrued. (For example, “Align behaviors with goals” might refer to unit goals or company goals, and it’s not at all clear what behaviors are in question.) Or, when providing specialized expertise, they may use jargon or other inaccessible language. They may also overwhelm seekers with too many ideas, alternatives, action plans, perspectives, or interpretations. Nothing causes paralysis like a laundry list of options with no explicit guidance on where to start or how to work through and winnow the list' 

Lacking Perspective

Advisers may also share personal stories and experiences that fail the “doability test” because they simply don’t accord with the seeker’s level of power, negotiating skill, organizational savvy, or situational constraints.

 Mishandling the aftermath.

'Though the final decision is not theirs to make, many advisers take offense when their guidance isn’t accepted wholesale, curtailing further discussion. This has both short- and long-term costs: in the moment, lost opportunities to provide a general sense of direction even if some of the seeker’s choices are not to their liking; and over time, a growing distance between adviser and seeker that may limit the trust and intimacy that lie at the heart of effective advising. The reality is that recipients rarely take one person’s advice and run with it. More often they modify the advice, combine it with feedback from others, or reject it altogether—and advisers often fail to treat these responses as valuable input in an ongoing conversation.'

I, too, always consult multiple parties when seeking advice, and base my resultant action is on the consideration of all the pointers given by advisers as well as my own personal priorities. It'll be quite bad if they misjudge me for not following their specific instructions.

Best Practices

Buah's Personal Theory of Offering Advice
Selecting a consultant 
Avoid simply choosing someone who is your pal or being amiable. Don't choose someone with a similar situation but a sharply contrasting background. Choose someone who is able to identify your weaknesses, is not afraid to confront you, and is able to parley your weaknesses with their expertise, while simultaneously understanding how to maximize the potential of your strengths.

From the 2nd article:

"When the roles are reversed and you’re approached for advice, ask yourself whether you are indeed a good fit. Do you have the right background to help in this particular situation? Can you dedicate enough time and effort to attend to the seeker’s concerns? It’s much better to decline the request than to give uninformed advice, rush the advisee, be distracted in meetings, or discover late in the process that you have little of value to offer. Ask why the advisee sought you out—but remember that you are in the best position to assess whether your judgment and experience are relevant. Saying no is a service too, and you can further help by identifying other sources of expertise. Even if you are well qualified to serve as an adviser, consider recommending some other people to bring in complementary or alternative views. That will give the seeker a more textured understanding of the challenges and choices."

Consultation 

1. Identify the central priorities - the ones you can't do without, making sure the adviser has a complete picture 
2. Listing the options, and offer evaluation and assessment of the options (e.g. cost-benefit analysis)
3. Support their choice, and ensure they understand the significance and consequences of their decision
4. Explain how they may best proceed with their decision, such as preparing for implementation and contingencies. Multiple opinions may be of use.

This is it. A story to emphasise the importance of advice alongside a rough informative guide to advice. This framework is not meant to limit you in any way, but open up a multiplicity of possibilities.